Croc! (2022)
Likeable, silly, low-budget British schlock. Writer-director Paul W. Franklin has made Beneath the Surface, a British shark movie – and here contributes to another terror-by-beast sub-genre blithely unconcerned with South-East England’s lamentable lack of ferocious, dangerous, man-killing fauna. A wedding venue in the countryside is pestered by a big CGI crocodile, and bride Lisa (Sian Altman) is due to have her big day ruined – her husband-to-be Charlie (George Nettleton) sneaks off to have sex with bridesmaid Georgie, which is interrupted by the reptile snacking on the woman … then the faithless twit can’t bring himself to mention the rampaging beast even as the rest of the party wonder where Georgie has got to. Just as vows are about the be exchanged, the ravenous monster strikes and whittles down the cast, setting up a situation where small groups of survivors are trapped in different locations (the pool house, the main house) and have to improvise their way out of it. Fortunately, the father of the bride (Mark Haldor) is a down-on-his luck wildlife expert (he comes across as the sort of Jason Momoa lookalike you’d hire for a hen do) and has passed on some of his skills to Lisa. For the most part, this is written and acted as if it were a cheesy British porn movie – with not that much sex – but then the croc is thrown in, and it runs along the familiar creature-kill lines. It slightly resembles that [REC] sequel set at a posh wedding – inevitably, the bride goes into bloody action still wearing her white dress and veil – but there’s also a streak of ladette comedy of embarrassment. But mostly it’s about a SyFy Channel-standard computer effect chomping on bloody limbs.
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