Your Daily Dracula – Ron Fitzgerald, Dracula’s Orgy of the Damned (2013)
An amateur effort thrown together by writer-director James Baack. It changes tack too often to be really boring, but it’s the sort of item Stephen Jones used to rate ‘for completists only’. A prefatory caption says ‘the producers cannot accept responsibility for any consequential damages to your mental, psychological, or spiritual health’. So you’ve been warned.
Lord Victor Fleming (Tim Pollard), a pompous British narrator, prefaces, explains, interrupts and glues together what might well have once been several completely different films. The first hour has an almost coherent storyline. Patricia (Claire ‘Fluff’ Llewellyn) visits anlyst Jill Flanders (Tina Boivin) to complain about her family being murdered by Dracula (Ron Fitzgerald) and the inconvenience of being bitten by a vampire. She mentions that it’s not true that vampires can’t go out in the sunlight, but I’ve a sneaking suspicion that revisionism is there because it’s cheaper and easier to film in the daytime. Dracula, a bald guy in leathers, and a biker-like henchman (Joe Burdick) pick on the sceptical Jill, who is transformed into hoydenish ‘Loosey-Fur’. Flashbacks cover the titular orgy of the damned, with a trio of goth chicks (Desiree Demonix, Cherries Jubalie, Cleo LaVamp) as the brides, and there’s a bit of a scrap which ends with the main menace turned to dust but half an hour of the movie left.
Lord Victor shifts the action ahead ten years and introduces Miskatonic U students Unya (Cassandra Carvajal) and Mia (Colleen Carvajal) who set out to visit Dracula’s castle (which was once owned by a guy called William and is therefore also known as the William Castle). For some murky reason, the castle is located in Crooked Hollow, a place of some significance near Arkham, Massachusetts. On the road to the castle, the students run into an amazingly annoying ventriloquist (Ron Feyereisen, in one of his several roles) with a leprechaun doll, a no-less irksome landlady Mama Voodoo (Pat Washington), an extremely fat werewolf (Shawn C. Phillips, who has a) heroically lost a ton of weight and b) become an extremely prolific actor in very obscure horror films) who can’t get out of his chair and has to ask a friend to walk over so he can be bitten, and a skull-masked spectre wittilly tagged Reaper Madness (Robert Miller).
The tone is all over the place, wavering between straight if slapdash horror/action, mild s-m kink, flat spoof (including a recreation of that ‘any sign at all’ gag from The Man With Two Brains), John Watersesque grotesquerie and general fill-out-the-running-time maundering in murkiness. Baack has also made The Bloody Rage of Bigfoot, Werewolf Massacre at Hell’s Gate and Cult of the Shadow People.
Discussion
No comments yet.