Cinema/TV, Dracula, Film Notes

Your Daily Dracula (Happy New Year Edition) – Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness (2004)

My notes on Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness (2004).

A dopey concept, poorly executed.  A thousand years in the future, where Christianity is forgotten but bad rap music is still around and people make remarks about The Bionic Woman, elements from Dracula are tipped into a cheap Event Horizon knock-off.  Captain Abraham Van Helsing (Casper Van Dien) and his grumbling space-salvage foragers board the derelict spaceship Demeter in ‘the Carpathian Galaxy’ to find the crew dead.  A recorded log from Captain Varna (Udo Kier) is ominous about a cargo of sand-filled coffins from ‘the planet Transylvania’.  Dracula (Langley Kirkwood), using the name Orlock, is a pantomime-cloaked, surprisingly inactive vampire.  He turns doper 187 (Coolio) into the worst-ever black vampire, but doesn’t murder everyone.  In an Alien-related twist, Orlock lets heroine Aurora Ash (Erika Eleniak) escape, prompting everyone to suspect her – tying her to a chair in imitation of The Thing – until she reveals she’s a bloodless robot/undercover narc.

There’s a germ of an idea in pitting an ancient vampire against people from a culture that has forgotten what he is and how to destroy him, though computer files confirm that a wooden pool-cue will do the job (in 2950, pool cues were still made of wood, unlike in 3000, we are told) until the ship can be brought near enough a double star to flood it with sunlight.  Oddly, this latter plan isn’t the ending – which manages to run in rapid succession through three dud finishes: Dracula is defeated by having his arm torn off in a closing door and wanders off in pain, surviving horny crewman Humvee (Tiny Lister) discovers Ash used to be a ‘pleasurebot’ and lecherously throws her over his shoulder (among the worst-acted scenes in Dracula movie history) and Varna’s tape message somehow blows up the ship.  Being the worst Dracula movie made in a year with Van Helsing and Blade Trinity is some sort of achievement.  Written and directed by Darrell James Roodt, a South African auteur who alternates genre (City of Blood, The Stick) and dully respectable (Sarafina!, Cry, the Beloved Country).

Extract from Kim Newman’s Video Dungeon.


One thought on “Your Daily Dracula (Happy New Year Edition) – Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness (2004)

  1. Happy New Year! The Udo Kier photo is Very George Galloway.

    Posted by Brendan | January 1, 2021, 10:21 am

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: