Film review – Bad Girl Dracula

My notes on Bad Girl Dracula (2019)

This endurance test is obviously aimed at a very limited fetish demographic – it’s a sex film but fundamentally chaste (lots of cleavage, no nudity) … a comedy with few actual jokes, though it might dimly evoke What We Do in the Shadows … and a vampire movie fated to torment Dracula completists (like me) who’ll have to watch it some time between Dracula in a Women’s Prison (on Amazon Prime, like this) and Dracula’s Orgy of the Damned (on youtube).  The fact that it has several sets of titles – The Bloody Brides of Bad Girl Dracula and Bad Girl Dracula and the Pussy That Bit Back are additional chapters – suggest that director Andrew N. Shearer, who co-wrote with star Dee Flowered, made this (in Athens, Ga) as a series of shorts that are glued together into an approximate feature.

Plus-sized glamour model vamp BGD (Flowered), who has a ‘Transylwanian’ accent that veers into comedy Swedish at times, lounges in lingerie with master vampire Brinke Stevens (Tittiana Sprinkles) – who is pregnant in the frame sequences – and they improv chat set-ups for anecdotes in which BGD has encounters with other vampires, Mirandas Soledad (Thio Rose), Sexferatu (Izzie Popp), Marsha Hunt (Ebony Dee Lyte) and Pussy Lugosi (Anne Atomic) that aren’t quite fight scenes and aren’t really sex scenes.  Abraham Van Helsing (Kirin Thurman) is a black British bloke who eventually decides to stop hunting BGD and look for real monsters.  An incidental character is played by an actress called Mia O’My, which is the nearest thing to funny in the film.

Obviously, the makers are genre-savvy enough to know who Brinke Stevens (80s starlet) and Marsha Hunt (victim in Dracula AD 1972) are … but the nearest thing to cleverness is one vampire arriving at the home of another with a bouquet of used tampons as a gift.  Sprinkles gives such a determinedly terrible, yet self-confident account of herself in the lead role that maybe John Waters could have got something out of her … but after half an hour or so of being bludgeoned by that wavering accent, it’ll be a hardy soul indeed who doesn’t switch off and find something else to do.  NB: in an extended riff about who to invite to a party, BGD mentions that there other Bad Girl Monster equivalents – including Bad Girl Wolf Man, which Flowered thinks better of as soon as she ‘s said it – and there are some offhand references to Dr Humpinstein, of Shearer’s Dr Humpinstein’s Erotik Castle, suggesting that there’s a Bad Girl Extended Cinematic Universe out there.